Paintergate scandal rocks London

Tony the train painter has found himself at the centre of a scandal today after being snapped in a compromising position with an unidentified female avatar in the London Tube club.  The London Tube is an underground nightclub in Mayfair, known to be popular with rock fans.

Tony refused to comment other than to say "I was pushed into it."  He insisted that his wife would have no comment for us either, but when we called to check she told us that his dinner would be "in the dog."

A senior member of the London Tube management described the incident as "unfortunate" and said they would be taking steps to ensure that painting and decorating staff keep their tools to themselves in future.  The painters' union said that they would object to management's plans to take steps.  In a statement, we were told that "doing so could have health and safety implications when staff need to paint difficult to reach parts of the trains."

In a desperate attempt to draw this story out to fill column inches, this reporter asked clubgoers at the London Tube for their reaction.  One obviously outraged reveller yelled "hooooulalalala," while another simply said "I love this tune" and carried on dancing.  Opinions on this important story are clearly divided and, as always, you can rely on us to keep you up to date with developments.

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